Doctor Stickfall

Growing up in the shadow of famous parents, Glenn Stick realized at an early age that he wanted to do something different with his life. He knew he was meant for greatness but wasn’t sure where to begin. He had no skills and no hobbies to speak of, other than a bad case of loving music. The only thing he knew for certain was that he didn’t want to hang around on bathroom doors all day like his parents.

Observing his undying love for music, he desperately tried to break into the music business on several occasions, but to no avail. He just wasn’t musically inclined. Resigning himself to an ordinary life, he decided to attempt a more traditional route, enrolling into John Hopkins School of Medicine.

While there, he discovered something about himself that he didn’t like. He was a maladroit (or a clumsy oaf, to the layperson). He would trip over virtually everything in his path on a regular basis. It soon earned him the criticism of his classmates. They would yell out, “come see Mr. Stick fall” as he stumbled past. Eventually, for the sake of brevity, they gave him the nickname Mr. Stickfall.

To avoid tripping and hearing the insensitive jeers of his fellow students, he would sometimes crawl to class. However, much to his chagrin, his peers began chanting: “Look at Mr. Stickfall doing his stick crawl.” Ashamed, he soon dropped out of school but decided to call himself a doctor anyway. After all, Doctor Who did it. He also took a page from Meatloaf’s book and embraced his cruel nickname. Henceforth, he adopted the moniker, Doctor Stickfall.

It wasn’t until he moved back to his quaint childhood town of Huddersfield that he discovered his true path, though. As he roamed the streets listening to Bon Jovi on his iPod, he came across a sign depicting his uncle slipping and falling in a puddle of water. The phrase slippery when wet adorned the sign, informing all passersby that they would indeed end up on their keisters if they didn’t heed its warning. Instantly recognizing this phrase as the same phrase on the very album he was listening to, he had an epiphany.

Bringing the iPod up to his impeccably round face to spy the artwork, he was unimpressed as usual with the plain, wet wall before him. He instinctively knew he could make that album cover pop. He also knew that this could be his way into the music business. The only problem was that the album was over 30 years old – they weren’t about to change it now!

Dejected, Doctor Stickfall continued his walk. He didn’t get very far when a partially covered flyer on a bulletin board caught his eye. Moving aside a flyer beckoning its readers to find the author’s missing crown and another asking for donations for a deaf leopard, he felt a stir of excitement. The one that had initially caught his eye read, “Mascot Wanted for NH Band Man Down.” He may be 30 years too late to grace Bon Jovi’s album covers, but maybe he could still work his way into the music business with this band. He just hoped they didn’t suck.

Filled with jubilation, he quickly ran home to call them, tumbling over several obstacles on the way, including but not limited to a fire hydrant, a smashed pumpkin, and a poodle named Gaga. Two days later, he arrived at the band’s practice room for his audition. In typical Stickfall fashion, he stumbled over Rayjay’s pedal board and fell into Eric’s drum kit. As the band members laughed their collective asses off, he thought he’d blown the audition.

He told the guys that he would show himself out but they stopped him. They explained that his monkey business inspired them to rename the band Casual Gravity. Furthermore, they all felt he would be perfect as their mascot. With tears of joy streaming down his featureless face, Doctor Stickfall knew he had finally found his way into the music scene, doing what he does best no less.

And the band didn’t suck.

 

 

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